A decade later….

 Hi! So much has changed in our lives over the past 10 plus years. 

Mike and I divorced amicably after 20 years of marriage in October of 2014. We went through ups and downs for sure but for the most part fumbled our way through it as gracefully as we could. It is a messy process no matter how hard you try to do the right thing. I lost friends along the way who chose sides. I felt like I had failed. I tried on new hats as I tried to figure out who I was and what I believed. I left the Mormon church and found my own path. I made new friends, found new love and lost it. 

Then my best friend Dana introduced me to one of her friends from high school. We met, fell in love and got engaged. I moved to Utah and then Covid hit. Not an ideal time to blend a family when you have different ideas of how that should look. I went through a hard moment when I saw the full effect my childhood trauma was playing out and how it hurt the man I was engaged to. I started trauma therapy, realized how deeply ingrained some of my behaviors were and what the corresponding coping mechanisms looked like. Oof. Life served me up some intense breaking down and the slow process of healing. That relationship ended (though I didn’t want it to) in August of 2021 and I have been single ever since. That break up broke me in ways in didn’t know my heart could hurt. The pain of it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. 

The kids are grown now (for the most part). Michael turns 28 this month and is a software developer who gets paid to do what he would do anyhow as a hobby. He’s brilliant and funny and has 2 cats named Suki and Hina. He lives in Utah not too far from me. Anneliese is 26 and lives in Huntington Beach with her boyfriend of 5 years, Andrew. They have 3 cats (Bean, Cheese and Chicken) and one dog named Mojo who isn’t so sure about the cats. Liam is married (MARRIED 😳) and is 24 now. As he left for college the only advice I gave him was “don’t marry the first girl you kiss!” Mostly because he had never even held hands with a girl. Well, he married the first girl he kissed and she is amazing. If I could hand pick the perfect woman for Liam, it would have been Kali. She is incredibly smart, funny, thoughtful and strong. I adore her and I love who they are together. They have a German Shepherd named Mocha and they live in Austin, Texas. Olivia is 20 and lives with me here in Utah. She graduated from the Salt Lake School for the Performing Arts and is making plans to open a cat cafe here in Utah County. She has her cat Marco and my cat, Delilah, has chosen Olivia over me. C’est le vie! 

Finally last but never least we have Luke. The whole reason I started this blog. He is 14 and a freshman in high school. He is still the Ray of Sunshine that he has always been. He’s loving, smart, FUNNY and determined. 

I embarked on a new career path and became a flight attendant! Pretty amusing considering that up until a few years ago I hated to fly. I work for Breeze Airways and I love it. I have respect for the company and what they are building. I love traveling and being a part of an industry that is so new to me. I am growing and learning. 

So, the Edlinger Mob has changed and grown up and begun their own journeys. I’ll post photos soon though you can go peek at my instagram @kinnseye and see some in the meantime. 

I can thank my friend Alan for prompting this reignited desire to write. Perhaps this is the outlet I need and can provide some catharsis for my life. 

New journey

It has been a very long time since I last wrote and I have been itching to got back at it. It is incredible what can happen over the course of a year.

Since I last wrote Luke has turned 2 (0n December 22) and has grown and changed so much. So have I. After I made my last entry my sweet sister, Lisa passed away having endured life with ovarian cancer and Luke went through surgery #2. Last year was a rough one. As usual, I couldn't stay sad for long. I live with a kid filled with perpetual energy and sunshine. I also have a large family that needs a mom who's available to them. I have an amazing sense of peace knowing that my sister is free of a body that stopped working well for her long ago. She was incredible and her spirit lives on in the wisdoms she passed along to me.

So, the post is new journey. I feel a little nervous to put this out there so I suppose I'll be a little vague until things are in full swing. I have two loves and interests right now. The first, childbirth education, has been a love of mine for a while. Helping a couple prepare to be a family is an incredible thing. My second love is fairly new. A little over 2 years actually and happened when a little blond haired, blue eyed boy was born and changed my life forever and opened my eyes to the world of advocacy for those children with special needs and the families who get to love them. I'm excited to marry the two together and provide childbirth education for families who are expecting a child with Down syndrome.

Currently 9 of 10 women pregnant with a baby who has Down syndrome will chose to terminate. 9 of 10. Let that sink in. Now, go look at a picture of Luke. I'll wait while you smile at how cute he is....see? Isn't he beautiful? I'm not going to lie to you. Mike and I were lost when we first got the diagnosis. LOST. This was not the baby we were expecting. So for the families that know ahead of time and choose not to terminate but forge on ahead into what can seem like a scary place, I am hoping to provide a supportive and educational environment for them to prepare for this new little person. I want them to know that they aren't alone. To know that they are on a journey like any other and that there are lights along the way to help them navigate. Mostly, to help them embrace this little new bundle with love, affection and nurturing just like they would any other baby. Because, honestly, they are just like any and every other little baby. Pink, soft, sweet and in need of love.

Round 2

Well, looks like it's time to hop back in the ring.

We've been following up with Luke's cardiologist ever since his surgery last year. Pretty standard for open heart surgery. This past January, during his routine echo-cardiogram, his doctor noticed some problems cropping up. We've been keeping an ever watchful eye on him since and attending his many appointments. On May 5th we went back (again) and received the news that our chunky monkey will be enduring open heart surgery once again. Hopefully, for the last time.

Since my last posting (so,so,long ago), Luke has GROWN. At a very healthy 27ish pounds and 33 inches long, he has surpassed our wildest dreams of where he would be at this age. He is a typical 16 month old boy. His M.O? DESTRUCTION! If it can be dismantled, ripped, beaten and or a combination of all, he will have at it. Actually, he'll have at anything. As I type this he is very busily "taking care" of the recycling (read: unloading the entire basket). No one is safe from his whims. Our old, sweet dog, Sutter patiently endures all sorts of "love". The cats have learned to RUN when they see him. And, we are endlessly amused and enraptured by him. He is magical. We all sit around watching him explore the world around him and in turn we see the world anew. His new favorite thing to do is put his socks in his mouth and carry them around like a dog. (He has been watching his dog brother carry around his stuffed animals that way). He climbs the furniture,has learned that he can remove the floor registers and stuff things down the ducting and knows that he has 6 people who think the sun rises and sets on him.

Life can be crazy sometimes. Everything seems to happen all at once or in groupings. My mothers husband, my step Dad, Bill Ormond, lost his battle with esophageal cancer in February leaving her a widow for the second time. I was there with them when he passed away. It sucked to lose a Dad AGAIN. My oldest sister, Lisa, is in hospice care for ovarian cancer. She has been brave and patient and graceful. She is an angel. I have literally never heard her say one negative thing about anyone or her circumstance. The cancer is in addition to the M.S. she has had for many years. I have had many people say to me, " why does all of this have to happen at the same time?" or "why do so many bad things happen?" Honestly, I think, why not? What about the people who lost so much during hurricane Katrina? or the tsunami? or the earthquakes in Chile? or the parents who lose their child to a hate crime?

Life is amazing. And wonderful. And at times, painful. At the end of the day all of the things that we experience in our lives make us richer in compassion, wiser if we allow them to. We can take all of the tears, laughter, heartache, joy and be there for the people we will meet who are just starting their journey along the same paths. I have hope. Lots of hope. I can't help but think that someday there will be parents of a small child who will need an anchor in the storms that surround you while watching your child go through such a major trauma. That someone who is losing or has lost a loved one will need someone who understands. I have to admit that all of these things have softened me as a human being. I have always been a really optimistic person but these past few years have refined me even further. I have learned to think before I speak (mostly) and see that usually when someone says or does something hurtful it's unintentional.

So, y'all.....here we go. We are ready. Luke is strong. The bell is about to ring and he's going to knock this one out.

Giggle Giggle!!

NOTHING beats the sound of a baby's giggle.

Tonight Luke giggled for the first time. YUMMY! He was snuggling with his Daddy and having a fun ol' time when it happened. Mike buried his face into Lukie's neck and growled as only a Daddy can and Luke broke into a giggle. Mike called me over and of course everybody wanted in on the action so within minutes most of the mob was watching as our newest toy (Luke) kept us entertained. Could he be any cuter? Hmmmmm, nope.

We also put Luke on the rug tonight to give him some tummy time. Now that his chest is healing, he can stand more movement and he loves it. Mike and I stare in awe and amazement as our supposedly "slow" baby wriggles and writhes his was around the carpet. Our continual mantra that we say is obviously Luke did not get the notice that he has Down syndrome and that he is supposed to do things on a slower pace. As he gets older he may in fact "fall behind" but we feel like he will always be right where he needs to be.

I love having a kid with Down syndrome. Every person in this family will become a better person from being around Luke. We will all learn to slow down and enjoy life more, to be more selfless. I hope. He is so sweet and I am smitten.

I am posting a couple of pics of Luke with his Dad and his biggest brother, Mike.

Let the race begin. If you happen to swing by and peer in our windows you are likely to see 6 people making crazy faces all just to make a baby giggle. Life is sweet.

I'm Still Here!!!

Bet you thought I had dropped off of the face of the planet, huh? No such luck!

Life has been pretty hectic and tiring since Mr. I'M STARVING!!!! (his words, almost verbatim, I swear) returned home. I kid you not, he just does not stop eating--ever. We are amazed at the quantity of milk that he can pack away. I am beginning to think that the legendary hollow leg actually exists. As a result he has been gaining weight rather rapidly. Okay, the truth is, at this pace the boy will be morbidly obese by, say, hmmmm, next week??!! In fact as I write this post, my husband Mike is sitting with Luke on the couch and he just finished feeding him. Luke is still fussing a bit. Mike looked at him and said, " You can't possibly still be hungry!" I said, "Wanna bet?"

Luke had his stitches removed last Wednesday and his incision is healing so well! The official call as of now is that the left valve is still leaky and that we will continue to watch it. Hopefully it will close into less of a leak thus eliminating the need for any future surgeries. Luke was very chatty with the 2 cute female interns and flirted away. His wily charms worked and he will taking them both out for sushi next weekend. Not bad for a 3 month old I'd say....

I am trying to get life to a somewhat normal place again. I still have to be careful about bringing him out in public (germy awful place that it is and all). We have to handle him carefully as well. No picking him up under the arms, we scoop him up under the bum and back instead. I am still a paranoid freak although the tendencies to shoo everyone away are dissipating. Being home again means back to laundry, house cleaning, carting kids to and from wherever they need to be, paying bills and such. Wait, that's right, those things AREN'T getting done. So if you drop in, I will blindfold you until we get to a clean room. Hmmmm.....do I have one of those? Call first!

I have resumed running (read jogging) again. My friend, Michelle, and I will be running one race every month until July when we will lose our ever loving minds and run a 1/2 marathon. Why am I doing this, you must be asking yourself (I know I ask myself that all the time)? Mike has been out of high school for 20 years now. I know, I know, dang, he's OLD! That being said, I do not want to go to his reunion in August looking like I am still expecting when the baby will already be 8 months old. I realize that that statement makes me seem as deep as a puddle, oh well.

Short post. Sorry. I will write more tomorrow and post current pics of the Fat Man and the other kiddos. Truth be told, the only reason I posted tonight was that I am receiving calls and e-mails from my mother and her twin sister,Judy wondering why I haven't blogged. They are double teaming me! You can thank them for more of my senseless rambling.

We'll talk more tomorrow, about dawgs and dawters (said with NY accent of course!), okay?

Birthday Surprise for Liam!

Today is Liams 10th birthday.

When I asked him what he would like for his birthday, he told me he wanted his baby brother to come home from the hospital. Sweet, huh? I told him that that wouldn't happen until Friday.

This morning I knew that I would be doing training at the hospital so I would be prepared to take care of Luke at home. I brought his car seat along to do an oxygen saturation test to make sure he would be okay on the car ride home. I scrubbed in and went to his bedside where I was met by his nurse, Anna. She looked at me and said, " Looks like you are ready to take your boy home! Would you like to today?" UM, YEAH!!!

So, I did all of the training I needed to do--infant CPR, how to watch for signs that something is wrong, etc. The docs performed the last echo cardiogram to check on the fluids that had been around his heart and lung. All of the fluids were gone, the valve that was still leaky had gotten a bit better. And by 4:00pm I packed my sweet blue eyed boy into his car seat and we drove off to face rush hour traffic together.

There will be many follow up visits, that goes with the territory. But, my baby being home with me is about the sweetest feeling ever.

I called home to let the kids know that I was bringing home a surprise for Liam's birthday. I called Mike to say the nurses had given me a gift to give the birthday boy. I loved seeing everyone's face when they saw Luke home. Liam asked if we got to keep him or if he had to go back. I hope he never has to go through anything like this again.

As a side note, I LOVED the staff at Children's. They were all so amazing at their jobs. His nurses were so dedicated to us and helping us through the most difficult times and cheering on his successes. Thank you is just not enough to say.

The pics above are of Luke getting his last lead removed and him at home, where he belongs. Oh, and the big 10 year old, Liam. All photos taken by Mikey. Thanks, bud.

I'm not done with this blog thing. Stay tuned for more tales of the mob. The Edlinger Mob.

Movin' On Up

As the title of the blog says, Luke has been moved! He was taken from the PICU and put in the NICU on Monday afternoon. He had been doing well and they needed the bed space in the PICU. So, Luke went from being the little fish in the big pond to the big fish in the little pond. He looks enormous next to all of the micro preemies and preemies in with him.

Luke also had a special visitor on Monday. My aunt Judy from Las Vegas was in town and came by to see him and hang out with our family. It was great to have her there while they moved Luke to his new "room" and he even performed for her with a few of his famous lady killing smiles.

Tuesday we saw even more progress. Luke's last line was removed from his neck and he was taken off of oxygen and is now completely on room air. He now looks like he did when we brought him to Children's. No wires, tubes or lines poking out from him. It feels so incredible to see him looking so healthy!! He has been eating like a CHAMP and the nurses joke that if its been an hour and he makes a noise he must be starving--again.

He is so quick to smile now, too. So of course I spent all day yesterday screwing my face up all crazy trying to get him to smile. Seems the face he likes best so far is when I open my eyes really wide and stick out my tongue in imitation of him. He is outrageously cute and I am loving each new moment with him and his new lease on life.

I am off to the hospital this morning to do all of my discharge training so I will know how to handle his new needs at home. I am so excited yet nervous to bring him home. The kids will be home for Spring Break this upcoming week and it will be so nice to not have to deal with school schedules for the first week Luke is back. I know the kids are looking forward to spending time with their baby brother. They have missed him.

My 2 parting thoughts are these:

1: Luke is a pig. They weighed him 2 nights ago. 11lbs.6oz. They weighed him last night. 11lbs. 11oz. I have a feeling he's gonna be a BIG boy. That's the way I like 'em. Nice and thick.

2: Last night was probably one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. As I left the hospital to go get my car at the parking garage, I decided to take the elevator as I had parked on the 5th floor. As I stepped on the elevator by myself, it gave a weird little jerk. Hmmmm. The doors slid shut and I pressed the button for 5. Up I went until right before the 5th floor the elevator stopped and the lights went out. I pushed the button again but nothing happened. Then the floor dropped beneath my feet. I wont repeat what I said at that moment but I really thought I was going to die. It stopped dropping and I was freaking out. I picked up the little phone in the box ( now I can check that off my list of things I've always wanted to do. I've wondered if they really work.They do.) and the operator picked up the other line. Right then the elevator did a big drop again and I told the lady I didn't want to die, that I had 5 kids and to please send help QUICK!!! I've also often wondered what thoughts would go through my mind if I was about to die or thought I was. Trust me, you don't think about the things you think you will! I literally looked up and said to God, " You have got to be kidding me, right?!?! I am not ready to die yet and I just got a kid through major surgery. Seriously, this sucks."

Not exactly the conversation I thought I would have with God. I'm sure he was amused. All in all I was trapped for 45 minutes and went from calm to freaking out each time the elevator dropped. The only positive I could think of from all the drops it made was, sweet I'll be closer to ground when it drops completely. Also, I did sit on my ample behind hoping it would cushion what I felt was an impending blow. Obviously it ended well. They used a back up generator to restore power to the elevator. I'm alive so I guess it's true that only the good die young. I will admit that the thoughts I did have were very revealing and helped me clarify further what really matters to me in my life.

Well. I'm off to the hospital now. Thanks for reading my long rambling thoughts. I hope that you like reading these posts as much as I like writing them.

And YES, I will be taking the stairs when I get there.