Roller Coaster

I am beat. Straight tired.

I didn't even blog last night. I literally came home from being with Luke and went to bed.

The past two days have been a roller coaster of events and emotions at Children's Hospital. Yesterday Luke did fairly well. There were a few episodes of pain and monitors beeping and adjustments to meds that needed to be made.

This morning I called to check on him. I usually call several times a day when I am not there to see how he is doing and if any progress has been made in his condition. When I spoke to his nurse (one I did not know yet) I was given the report that they were working on him. What? What do you mean working on him?!?! Right at shift change the incoming nurse noticed his heart rate climbing--quickly. 140bpm, 160bpm, 180, 200 --man something isn't right. She also noticed that he was having arrhythmia (irregular heartbeats). None of this was accompanied by any activity or stress-- in fact his blood pressure barely budged. After 2 doses of a medication things seemed to settle. Things like that are scary because they don't know what causes the malfunction. It's like faulty wiring in a house that causes the lights to go haywire.

I can't really even go over all of the other things that happen during the day. All I can say is that I am tired. I am not really doing anything physically draining but my body feels trashed. I have guilt that I only get up once at night to pump milk for Luke.

So, this post is short and not well thought out. But I do have to say that I would be lost without all of the people who have stepped up to help me and my family. Parents from my daughter Olivia's class are bringing meals in. My sister-in-law Liesl has pretty much stepped in to take care of my kids at home while she is still taking care of her own family. Actually, she is amazing and I adore her and will be in her debt forever. My mother who has spent the weekend holding down the fort.

I have another friend who is there for me day or night to talk to and always knows what to say, who's general presence calms me like no other. Thank you. I hope you know how much you mean to me. How much you are loved by me.

So back I go to my second home--the PICU. To my other family--the nurses and doctors helping Luke.

I guess generally speaking life is like a roller coaster with twists and turns and drops where you feel like your stomach is going to drop out. But sometimes its not exciting, just freaky. The truth of the matter is that on life's roller coaster you can't see the track ahead to anticipate when that hairpin turn is going to come--thus you can get a pretty gnarly case of motion sickness and whiplash. Well, since I can't get off the ride I guess I better sit down, buckle up and hang on.

Anyone have one of those motion sickness bags from an airplane I can use?